1
00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:04,323
ARCHER: Oh, come on, how long

2
00:00:04,369 --> 00:00:06,079
are you guys gonna stay mad at
me?

3
00:00:07,082 --> 00:00:09,333
CYRIL: What, for getting us
all arrested for smuggling

4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,726
cocaine <i>into</i> Colombia?
RAY: Probably the rest

5
00:00:11,738 --> 00:00:14,022
of our damn lives.
CYRIL: Well, shouldn't be

6
00:00:14,033 --> 00:00:16,784
very long, since we're headed to
La Culebra, the most dangerous

7
00:00:16,796 --> 00:00:18,796
prison in South America.
(chuckles)

8
00:00:18,806 --> 00:00:20,806
ARCHER: Well, Cyril, when we
get there and I join the

9
00:00:20,816 --> 00:00:23,283
toughest gang, don't hold your
breath for a bid.

10
00:00:23,295 --> 00:00:25,695
RAY: A bid?
CYRIL: They're prison gangs,

11
00:00:25,706 --> 00:00:27,723
not frats!
ARCHER: And don't call a

12
00:00:27,733 --> 00:00:30,267
fraternity a frat!
COP: <i>?Callate!</i>

13
00:00:30,279 --> 00:00:32,496
<i>(Archer grunts, groans)</i>
<i>(cops laughing)</i>

14
00:00:32,507 --> 00:00:35,291
<i>ARCHER: No, I'm fine.</i>
<i>Don't worry about me.</i>

15
00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:37,636
<i>COP: And don't worry about</i>
<i>La Culebra, gringos.</i>

16
00:00:37,648 --> 00:00:39,815
<i>You are not going there.</i>
<i>CYRIL: Oh, well, that's good.</i>

17
00:00:39,825 --> 00:00:42,275
<i>Is that good?</i>
<i>It doesn't sound very good.</i>

18
00:00:42,287 --> 00:00:44,304
<i>Why does that sound really,</i>
<i>really, really bad?</i>

19
00:00:44,314 --> 00:00:46,464
<i>ARCHER (sighs): Because</i>
<i>they're gonna kill us.</i>

20
00:00:46,474 --> 00:00:48,808
<i>CYRIL: What?!</i>
<i>(cops laughing)</i>

21
00:00:48,819 --> 00:00:52,955
<i>COP: Unless you got maybe</i>
<i>$100,000 U.S. on you.</i>

22
00:00:52,973 --> 00:00:55,690
<i>ARCHER: Well, not on</i> me,
on me, but...

23
00:00:55,703 --> 00:00:57,703
(cops guffawing)
CYRIL: Hey, but when we're

24
00:00:57,713 --> 00:00:59,713
digging out own graves, they're
gonna get cocky, and then we

25
00:00:59,723 --> 00:01:01,673
whang 'em with our shovels,
right?

26
00:01:01,682 --> 00:01:03,849
ARCHER: Cyril, this isn't an
episode of <i>B.J. and the Bear.</i>

27
00:01:03,860 --> 00:01:05,860
<i>RAY: That was?</i>
<i>ARCHER: It's the jungle--</i>

28
00:01:05,869 --> 00:01:08,536
<i>nobody digs graves; they just</i>
<i>kneel you down by a ditch and</i>

29
00:01:08,549 --> 00:01:10,883
<i>put a bullet in your...</i>
<i>CYRIL: Cow!</i>

30
00:01:10,894 --> 00:01:14,896
<i>ARCHER: Why would they shoot</i>
<i>your... cow!</i>

31
00:01:14,914 --> 00:01:18,582
<i>(yelling, grunting, gasping)</i>

32
00:01:18,598 --> 00:01:33,244
<i>(birds chirping)</i>

33
00:01:33,303 --> 00:01:41,042
<i>ARCHER: God...</i>
<i>(crashing)</i>

34
00:01:41,075 --> 00:01:53,886
<i>(birds chirping)</i>

35
00:01:53,938 --> 00:01:57,690
<i>ARCHER: ...damn.</i>

36
00:01:57,706 --> 00:02:03,009
<i>(Archer groaning, chuckling)</i>
<i>ARCHER: Well, now I'm almost</i>

37
00:02:03,032 --> 00:02:05,032
<i>afraid to say any--</i>

38
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:10,529
<i>(Archer groans)</i>
<i>Eat a dick, jungle.</i>

39
00:02:36,536 --> 00:02:46,596
<font color="
www.addic7ed.com

40
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,929
CYRIL: Easy, easy.
Careful!

41
00:02:51,178 --> 00:02:53,374
ARCHER: Cyril, for the love
of Christ, man!

42
00:02:53,503 --> 00:02:55,703
CYRIL: Sorry.
ARCHER: You have to shut up.

43
00:02:55,713 --> 00:02:57,713
CYRIL: I am.
Starting now.

44
00:02:57,723 --> 00:02:59,723
Starting... now.
ARCHER: Cyril...

45
00:02:59,733 --> 00:03:01,733
CYRIL: Sorry. (gasps)
(animal growls in distance)

46
00:03:01,743 --> 00:03:03,743
What was that?
ARCHER: Probably a jaguar

47
00:03:03,753 --> 00:03:06,837
excited about being magnificent
and crepuscular.

48
00:03:06,851 --> 00:03:10,436
But I need you to focus on me,
because if, by some miracle, I

49
00:03:10,452 --> 00:03:12,452
get the keys...
(Cyril gasps)

50
00:03:12,462 --> 00:03:16,297
...and then, by some other even
bigger miracle, get us out of

51
00:03:16,314 --> 00:03:18,865
these cuffs...
(Cyril sneezes)

52
00:03:18,877 --> 00:03:21,577
I am gonna beat the shit out of
you, Cyril!

53
00:03:21,589 --> 00:03:23,589
RAY: I'm gonna beat the
shit of both of y'all.

54
00:03:23,599 --> 00:03:25,650
CYRIL: Oh, my God, Ray!
ARCHER: You're alive?!

55
00:03:25,660 --> 00:03:27,660
RAY: What, did y'all
think I was dead?

56
00:03:27,670 --> 00:03:29,670
CYRIL: Well, I just assumed.
ARCHER: Yeah, I totally did.

57
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,846
RAY: And you didn't
even take a moment?!

58
00:03:31,856 --> 00:03:33,856
ARCHER: I mean...
RAY: Oh, screw you guys!

59
00:03:33,866 --> 00:03:35,566
ARCHER: W-Wait.
What is in your mouth?

60
00:03:35,575 --> 00:03:37,575
GILLETTE (muffled): Nothing.
ARCHER: It's the keys!

61
00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:39,584
CYRIL: He's eating the keys?
ARCHER: Ray, don't you eat

62
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,310
those keys!
RAY: I'm not eating the

63
00:03:41,319 --> 00:03:42,819
goddamn keys.
CYRIL: Waagh!

64
00:03:42,827 --> 00:03:44,527
RAY: Ow!
CYRIL: What are you doing

65
00:03:44,535 --> 00:03:46,034
down there?
RAY: What do you think

66
00:03:46,042 --> 00:03:47,741
I'm doing?
(chain rattles)

67
00:03:47,750 --> 00:03:49,917
CYRIL: Oh. (chuckles) sorry.
ARCHER: Do me! Do me, do me,

68
00:03:49,927 --> 00:03:52,645
do me, do me, do me! Ray, do me!
RAY: Ow! Ow! Ow!

69
00:03:52,658 --> 00:03:55,742
ARCHER: Sorry. Do <i>me,</i> please.
RAY: First, promise you

70
00:03:55,756 --> 00:03:57,840
won't ad at me.
ARCHER: I... Wait.

71
00:03:57,850 --> 00:03:59,850
Why would I be mad at you?
RAY: Because you're an

72
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:02,828
asshole!
MALORY: I beg your pardon?!

73
00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:05,676
LANA: Since Cyril's not here,
I'm helping Cherlene redline her

74
00:04:05,689 --> 00:04:07,856
record contract, and I think we
should move on.

75
00:04:07,866 --> 00:04:09,949
They're not gonna let you
kill a guy.

76
00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,959
CHERLENE: What about a dwarf?
MALORY: What about Sterling?!

77
00:04:11,969 --> 00:04:13,969
CHERLENE: Wait, he's a dwarf
now?

78
00:04:13,979 --> 00:04:16,513
MALORY: He's missing!
With God knows how much of our

79
00:04:16,525 --> 00:04:19,726
dwindling cocaine, and no one's
doing anything to find him!

80
00:04:19,741 --> 00:04:22,408
LANA: If he calls here, my
plan, in its entirety, is to ask

81
00:04:22,420 --> 00:04:24,420
him where he is.
PAM: It has a simple

82
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,430
elegance.
MALORY: Well, have you tried

83
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:27,906
calling <i>him?</i>
<i>(auto-dial beeping)</i>

84
00:04:27,913 --> 00:04:29,163
<i>MALLORY: What?</i>
<i>(techno music playing)</i>

85
00:04:29,170 --> 00:04:30,719
<i>PAM: Yaaaayyyyy!</i>
<i>CHERLENE: Wooooooooo!</i>

86
00:04:30,727 --> 00:04:32,894
<i>FEMALE VOICE: The mailbox</i>
<i>of...</i>

87
00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,971
<i>ARCHER: ...Ar-Ar-Archer...</i>
<i>FEMALE VOICE: ...is full.</i>

88
00:04:34,981 --> 00:04:36,832
<i>Leave it.</i>
<i>MALLORY: All right!</i>

89
00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,657
<i>Turn it off! Turn it off!</i>
<i>(voicemail message repeating)</i>

90
00:04:38,666 --> 00:04:40,549
<i>LANA: I can't! It's...</i>
<i>ARCHER: Ar-Ar-Archer. Archer.</i>

91
00:04:40,559 --> 00:04:42,109
<i>KRIEGER: Rrgh! Rrgh! Rrgh!</i>
<i>ARCHER: (voice slows):</i>

92
00:04:42,117 --> 00:04:43,950
<i>Archer... Archer...</i>
<i>PAM and CHERLENE: Aw.</i>

93
00:04:43,959 --> 00:04:46,126
<i>KRIEGER: Okay, so he forwards</i>
<i>his phone here.</i>

94
00:04:46,136 --> 00:04:48,253
<i>That's easy.</i>
<i>Then he taps the phone line into</i>

95
00:04:48,264 --> 00:04:50,647
<i>the intercom.</i>
<i>They're both low-voltage.</i>

96
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:53,726
<i>No big deal, but that's patched</i>
<i>into the actual house wiring,</i>

97
00:04:53,740 --> 00:04:57,092
<i>obviously one-ten AC, which</i>
<i>means he must have wired a</i>

98
00:04:57,107 --> 00:04:59,590
<i>transformer in the circuit</i>
<i>somewhere, but he's got all</i>

99
00:04:59,602 --> 00:05:01,819
<i>these fake wires in here that</i>
<i>don't connect to any...</i>

100
00:05:01,829 --> 00:05:04,580
<i>(Malory sobs)</i>
<i>MALORY: Is this all just a</i>

101
00:05:04,593 --> 00:05:08,845
<i>game to you people?!</i>
<i>My God, I'm broke, my husband</i>

102
00:05:08,864 --> 00:05:12,166
<i>kicked me out of my own home,</i>
<i>we're running out of cocaine,</i>

103
00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:15,265
<i>and on top of all that, my son</i>
<i>is missing!</i>

104
00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:17,779
<i>LANA: Um, okay, if Archer</i>
<i>calls, I'll...</i>

105
00:05:17,791 --> 00:05:20,125
<i>MALORY: No, please don't</i>
<i>disturb me.</i>

106
00:05:20,136 --> 00:05:22,637
<i>I think I'm getting a migraine.</i>
<i>(whistle blows)</i>

107
00:05:22,649 --> 00:05:24,982
<i>CHERLENE: Outlaw country!</i>
<i>Wooooooooooooooo!</i>

108
00:05:24,993 --> 00:05:28,662
<i>MALORY: I honestly don't know</i>
<i>how much more I can take!</i>

109
00:05:28,678 --> 00:05:32,079
<i>(Cherlene chuckles)</i>
<i>LANA: Wow. I think she</i>

110
00:05:32,094 --> 00:05:35,428
<i>seriously might be, like,</i>
<i>nearing the end of her rope.</i>

111
00:05:35,443 --> 00:05:39,045
<i>PAM: Hey, speaking of rope...</i>
<i>LANA: You want cocaine?</i>

112
00:05:39,061 --> 00:05:41,395
<i>PAM: Yay!</i>
<i>ARCHER: Goddamn it!</i>

113
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:43,907
<i>RAY: How is this my</i>
<i>fault?</i>

114
00:05:43,918 --> 00:05:46,252
<i>ARCHER: Because why do you</i>
<i>always get paralyzed?!</i>

115
00:05:46,264 --> 00:05:48,831
<i>RAY: Because why do you</i>
<i>always crash every goddamn</i>

116
00:05:48,843 --> 00:05:51,177
<i>vehicle I get in?!</i>
<i>ARCHER: I didn't crash it!</i>

117
00:05:51,188 --> 00:05:53,488
<i>That crooked idiot, drunk</i>
<i>murdering cop did!</i>

118
00:05:53,499 --> 00:05:55,966
<i>CYRIL: Uh, yeah, speaking</i>
<i>of, these guys don't look too</i>

119
00:05:55,977 --> 00:05:58,311
<i>good.</i>
<i>(cop coughs very weakly)</i>

120
00:05:58,323 --> 00:06:00,323
<i>ARCHER: Well, they're gonna</i>
<i>look even worse when they're</i>

121
00:06:00,332 --> 00:06:02,449
<i>jaguar poop!</i>
<i>CYRIL: What? We can't just</i>

122
00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:04,844
<i>leave them here.</i>
<i>ARCHER: As opposed to what,</i>

123
00:06:04,855 --> 00:06:07,021
<i>Cyril?!</i>
<i>You and I sling them over our</i>

124
00:06:07,031 --> 00:06:09,031
<i>shoulders and climb 200 feet</i>
<i>straight up a cliff without</i>

125
00:06:09,041 --> 00:06:11,375
<i>a goddamn rope?!</i>
<i>CYRIL: I...</i>

126
00:06:11,386 --> 00:06:13,386
<i>RAY: Wait. Where am I in</i>
<i>that scenario?!</i>

127
00:06:13,396 --> 00:06:15,396
<i>ARCHER: I guess getting</i>
<i>pooped out of a jaguar!</i>

128
00:06:15,406 --> 00:06:17,406
<i>CYRIL: Well, we definitely</i>
<i>can't leave Ray!</i>

129
00:06:17,416 --> 00:06:19,416
<i>ARCHER: We have to!</i>
<i>Ray, I'm sorry.</i>

130
00:06:19,426 --> 00:06:21,426
<i>RAY: No, you're not!</i>
<i>ARCHER: I am, actually,</i>

131
00:06:21,436 --> 00:06:23,553
<i>which, whatever, but...</i>
<i>(gun cocks)</i>

132
00:06:23,563 --> 00:06:25,947
<i>CYRIL: We are not leaving</i>
<i>Ray!</i>

133
00:06:25,958 --> 00:06:28,124
<i>ARCHER: What do you even</i>
<i>think you're doing?</i>

134
00:06:28,135 --> 00:06:33,538
<i>CYRIL: I am taking command!</i>
<i>(Archer and Cyril laugh)</i>

135
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:37,113
<i>CYRIL: Hey, I'm serious!</i>
<i>ARCHER: Oh, my God.</i>

136
00:06:37,129 --> 00:06:39,463
<i>Okay.</i>
<i>Oh, that's really funny.</i>

137
00:06:39,474 --> 00:06:42,025
<i>Thanks, Cyril.</i>
<i>I-I think we needed that.</i>

138
00:06:42,037 --> 00:06:44,370
<i>RAY: We did.</i>
<i>We really did.</i>

139
00:06:44,381 --> 00:06:47,666
<i>ARCHER: Oh, man.</i>
<i>Now give me the goddamn weapon.</i>

140
00:06:47,681 --> 00:06:50,231
<i>ARCHER: You nut!</i>
<i>(Cyril laughs)</i>

141
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,577
<i>CYRIL: Thought you were gonna</i>
<i>hit me with it.</i>

142
00:06:52,588 --> 00:06:55,255
<i>ARCHER: I was.</i>
<i>Okay, so how do we get Ray and</i>

143
00:06:55,267 --> 00:06:57,501
<i>his useless legs out of here?</i>
<i>RAY: Well, now, I</i>

144
00:06:57,512 --> 00:07:00,029
<i>actually have some thoughts on</i>
<i>that.</i>

145
00:07:00,041 --> 00:07:03,409
<i>ARCHER (sighing): Goddamn it.</i>
<i>RAY: I think it's a</i>

146
00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:06,392
<i>pretty good plan, y'all.</i>
<i>ARCHER: No, it isn't!</i>

147
00:07:06,406 --> 00:07:09,723
<i>We might as well slather</i>
<i>ourselves with whatever it is</i>

148
00:07:09,738 --> 00:07:13,424
<i>crocodiles eat, and swim down!</i>
<i>CYRIL: What do crocodiles</i>

149
00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:15,723
<i>eat?</i>
<i>ARCHER: Everything!</i>

150
00:07:15,734 --> 00:07:21,238
<i>They eat everything!</i>
<i>And fear is their bacon bits.</i>

151
00:07:27,064 --> 00:07:29,457
CHERLENE: I don't understand
what you're saying.

152
00:07:29,707 --> 00:07:31,558
LANA: Damn it!
Look, I think Malory is

153
00:07:31,664 --> 00:07:34,184
genuinely going through a really
hard time right now, so I think

154
00:07:34,196 --> 00:07:36,563
we should do something nice for
her.

155
00:07:36,574 --> 00:07:38,741
CHERLENE: I don't understand
what you're say...

156
00:07:38,752 --> 00:07:40,919
LANA: Goddamn it!
PAM: I'm with you, Lana.

157
00:07:40,929 --> 00:07:43,096
It freaked me out seeing her cry
like that.

158
00:07:43,107 --> 00:07:46,141
It was like seeing my dad cry.
LANA: Crying because...?

159
00:07:46,154 --> 00:07:49,122
PAM: (splutters) Name it.
He's a gigantic pussy.

160
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:52,070
Oh, my God, when my mom died?
Hey, and speaking of pussies...

161
00:07:52,084 --> 00:07:54,585
LANA: A Long Island Iced Tea?
I'm not even supposed to drink

162
00:07:54,596 --> 00:07:56,929
regular iced tea.
PAM: Yeah, this is a Long

163
00:07:56,940 --> 00:07:59,241
Island.
CHERLENE: Yeah, stupid!

164
00:07:59,252 --> 00:08:01,785
Your words.
LANA: Shut up!

165
00:08:01,797 --> 00:08:03,964
And, okay, so what would cheer
Malory up?

166
00:08:03,975 --> 00:08:06,142
What does she like?
PAM: Archer and money and

167
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,653
liquor.
LANA: Besides that.

168
00:08:08,665 --> 00:08:10,932
CHERLENE: Some different
liquor.

169
00:08:10,943 --> 00:08:12,876
PAM: You know what always
cheers me up...

170
00:08:12,886 --> 00:08:15,019
LANA: We're not giving her
cocaine.

171
00:08:15,029 --> 00:08:17,330
PAM: I was gonna say cock.
CHERLENE: Yeah, stup... Ow!

172
00:08:17,341 --> 00:08:19,874
LANA: You done?
CHERLENE: I am. Thank you.

173
00:08:19,886 --> 00:08:22,220
LANA: Ass. And Pam, that's
not a bad idea.

174
00:08:22,231 --> 00:08:24,732
PAM: Hmm. I don't know if I'd
be comfortable with that.

175
00:08:24,744 --> 00:08:27,077
I mean, even for me, it's...
LANA: Let me stop you before

176
00:08:27,088 --> 00:08:30,757
you say what it is you think I'm
talking about.

177
00:08:30,773 --> 00:08:32,939
PAM: Getting shitty drunk on
two different kinds of liquor,

178
00:08:32,950 --> 00:08:35,251
dressing up like Mr. Archer,
and banging the old lady with

179
00:08:35,262 --> 00:08:37,796
a strap...
Ow!

180
00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,974
LANA: That's not what I had
in mind.

181
00:08:39,984 --> 00:08:41,984
PAM: Okay, good, 'cause the
the dressing up like Mr. Archer

182
00:08:41,994 --> 00:08:44,328
part makes it kind of weird.
LANA: I...

183
00:08:44,339 --> 00:08:46,740
PAM: I'd have to be super
drunk, like so drunk I bet I

184
00:08:46,751 --> 00:08:49,785
wouldn't even enjoy...! Ow!
(Pam clears her throat)

185
00:08:49,799 --> 00:08:53,901
Okay, so what's <i>your</i> plan?
CYRIL: Well, eventually, we

186
00:08:53,919 --> 00:08:55,969
have to come to a village or
whatever, and maybe we can

187
00:08:55,979 --> 00:08:58,146
barter with them for a ride,
or...

188
00:08:58,157 --> 00:09:00,457
ARCHER: Barter with what,
Cyril?

189
00:09:00,468 --> 00:09:02,468
CYRIL: I don't know.
Maybe the gun, or...

190
00:09:02,478 --> 00:09:04,845
ARCHER (laughing): Yes!
Great idea, yeah, Cyril.

191
00:09:04,856 --> 00:09:07,190
Let's give an M-16 to a bunch of
wild Indians!

192
00:09:07,201 --> 00:09:09,368
CYRIL: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey!
RAY: Goddamn,

193
00:09:09,379 --> 00:09:11,512
Huckleberry Finn!
ARCHER: What?! I don't think

194
00:09:11,522 --> 00:09:13,522
it's racist to assume that a
previously uncontacted tribe of

195
00:09:13,532 --> 00:09:17,451
indigenous peoples might react
unpredictably, perhaps even

196
00:09:17,468 --> 00:09:21,336
wildly, to a bunch of white guys
who walk up and hand 'em a

197
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:23,854
goddamn M-16!
CYRIL: Oh, okay.

198
00:09:23,866 --> 00:09:25,866
I didn't know in your scenario
the indigenous people were

199
00:09:25,876 --> 00:09:28,043
uncontacted.
RAY: Totally different

200
00:09:28,053 --> 00:09:30,219
scenario.
CYRIL: In which, no, you

201
00:09:30,230 --> 00:09:32,397
obviously wouldn't just want to
hand them an M-16.

202
00:09:32,407 --> 00:09:34,574
RAY: 'Cause they'd be,
like, "What?!"

203
00:09:34,585 --> 00:09:38,087
Or whatever their word for that
is.

204
00:09:38,102 --> 00:09:40,435
MALORY: What?
LANA: A spa day!

205
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,948
MALORY: What? No.
I can't go out like this.

206
00:09:42,959 --> 00:09:45,292
LANA: No, no, no!
That's the best part.

207
00:09:45,303 --> 00:09:47,470
It's here!
MALORY: Then it's not a spa

208
00:09:47,481 --> 00:09:49,648
day.
It's just a bath!

209
00:09:49,658 --> 00:09:51,658
I want to go back to sleep!
LANA: Well, after this,

210
00:09:51,668 --> 00:09:54,002
you'll be so relaxed.
MALORY: I took three Valium!

211
00:09:54,013 --> 00:09:56,180
If I get any more relaxed,
I will literally die.

212
00:09:56,191 --> 00:09:59,075
LANA: Okay, well, that's also
good... because you may not

213
00:09:59,088 --> 00:10:02,206
actually find this to be all
that relaxing.

214
00:10:02,220 --> 00:10:04,553
MALORY: What the...?
Why are they dressed like that?

215
00:10:04,564 --> 00:10:07,065
LANA (sighing): That was the
only way they'd do it.

216
00:10:07,077 --> 00:10:10,328
CHERLENE: Strip!
PAM: Yay!

217
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:13,811
CYRIL: Wait. What?
ARCHER: <i>Crocodylus acutus!</i>

218
00:10:13,827 --> 00:10:16,361
<i>And maybe even...</i>
<i>Are we in the Orinoco drainage</i>

219
00:10:16,372 --> 00:10:18,672
<i>basin?</i>
<i>CYRIL: How should I know?</i>

220
00:10:18,683 --> 00:10:21,217
<i>ARCHER: Okay, so maybe</i>
<i>Crocodylus intermedius</i> is in

221
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:23,730
play!
Not to mention four kinds of

222
00:10:23,742 --> 00:10:26,242
caiman, including the Black
Caiman, which can grow up to

223
00:10:26,254 --> 00:10:28,588
22 feet!
RAY: Is that why you're

224
00:10:28,599 --> 00:10:30,899
up on those goddamn cans?
ARCHER: Yeah, if a big bull

225
00:10:30,910 --> 00:10:33,444
croc slithers up on the raft,
I'm gonna pour a ring of gas

226
00:10:33,456 --> 00:10:35,790
around me and set it on fire.
CYRIL: Why...?

227
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:38,301
ARCHER: Cyril, they can't
chomp through fire.

228
00:10:38,313 --> 00:10:40,647
Although, I have no reason to
think that.

229
00:10:40,658 --> 00:10:42,958
CYRIL: Why are you so scared
of crocodiles?

230
00:10:42,969 --> 00:10:45,503
ARCHER: Gee, I don't know,
Cyril.

231
00:10:45,515 --> 00:10:47,849
Maybe deep down, I'm afraid of
any apex predator that lived

232
00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:50,310
through the K-T extinction.
CYRIL: The...?

233
00:10:50,322 --> 00:10:52,655
ARCHER: Physically unchanged
for 100 million years, because

234
00:10:52,666 --> 00:10:54,967
it's the perfect killing
machine-- a half-ton of

235
00:10:54,978 --> 00:10:58,980
cold-blooded fury, with a bite
force of 20,000 Newtons, and

236
00:10:58,997 --> 00:11:01,864
stomach acid so strong, it can
dissolve bones and hooves.

237
00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:04,379
And now we're surrounded, those
snake-eyes are watching from the

238
00:11:04,390 --> 00:11:07,891
shadows, waiting for the night.
RAY: 
 Waiting

239
00:11:07,907 --> 00:11:10,408
For the night! 

ARCHER: Damn it, Ray!

240
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,753
RAY: 
 Ooh-hoo!
ARCHER: Keep your voice down!

241
00:11:12,764 --> 00:11:15,065
RAY: Why?!
Crocodiles don't have ears!

242
00:11:15,076 --> 00:11:17,443
ARCHER: They absolutely have
ears, shit head!

243
00:11:17,454 --> 00:11:19,454
RAY: Well, so do I, and
you just talked yourself out of

244
00:11:19,464 --> 00:11:22,065
a hat!
(all yelling)

245
00:11:22,077 --> 00:11:24,577
CYRIL: Jeezy Pete's!
ARCHER: Way to go, Ray.

246
00:11:24,589 --> 00:11:26,923
Now he's got a taste for...
(yelling)

247
00:11:26,934 --> 00:11:29,434
RAY: Oh, my God!
CYRIL: Shoot it! Shoot it!

248
00:11:29,446 --> 00:11:31,780
Shoot it!
ARCHER: Uh, I can't!

249
00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:34,024
RAY: Sweet Jesus God,
then at least shoot out my eyes

250
00:11:34,035 --> 00:11:36,536
so I don't have to see!
(yelling)

251
00:11:36,548 --> 00:11:39,716
Oh, my God!
CYRIL: What is happening?

252
00:11:39,730 --> 00:11:42,030
(yelling)
Oh, God!

253
00:11:42,041 --> 00:11:44,542
RAY: Oh, boy.
(groaning and crying)

254
00:11:44,554 --> 00:11:46,887
No.
(Archer groans)

255
00:11:46,898 --> 00:11:51,785
(Gillette and Cyril crying)
(growling)

256
00:11:51,806 --> 00:11:53,972
ARCHER: Huh.
(Cyril and Gillette whimpering)

257
00:11:53,983 --> 00:11:56,150
I thought that was gonna be way
more... epic-fireball-y.

258
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,494
(Gillette whimpers)
CYRIL: Wuh-wuh, wuh-wuh,

259
00:11:58,505 --> 00:12:00,672
wuh-wuh...
ARCHER: Come, Cyril.

260
00:12:00,683 --> 00:12:02,850
Pick one.
Either have a stroke, or spit it

261
00:12:02,860 --> 00:12:05,143
out.
CYRIL: W-w-were you g-g-gonna

262
00:12:05,154 --> 00:12:07,655
say, "A taste for human flesh?"
ARCHER: No, I was gonna say,

263
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:10,000
"Hat," but now it's not funny.
Well, not as funny.

264
00:12:10,011 --> 00:12:12,312
RAY: It's all your
fault.

265
00:12:12,323 --> 00:12:14,857
It's all your fault.
ARCHER: Which part, Ray?!

266
00:12:14,869 --> 00:12:17,202
The part where I flipped our
jeep down a cliff about 90

267
00:12:17,213 --> 00:12:20,848
goddamn times, because I got
drunk to cope with the fact I

268
00:12:20,864 --> 00:12:23,148
was about to murder us in the
jungle?!

269
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,876
RAY: Well, it-it... it's
your fault we're in this stupid

270
00:12:25,889 --> 00:12:28,223
jungle in the first place!
ARCHER: Well, if we're gonna

271
00:12:28,234 --> 00:12:31,318
go back to the beginning of
time, Mother's the one who got

272
00:12:31,332 --> 00:12:34,000
us arrested for treason, and
then bought a ton of goddamn

273
00:12:34,013 --> 00:12:36,346
cocaine!
CYRIL: I thought you b-bought

274
00:12:36,357 --> 00:12:38,858
it.
LANA: Wait. What?

275
00:12:38,869 --> 00:12:41,202
MALORY: Up! Up!
Hands off the goods, mister!

276
00:12:41,214 --> 00:12:43,381
PAM: Aw.
MALORY: I said that's

277
00:12:43,391 --> 00:12:45,892
ridiculous.
Where would I get 2,000 pounds

278
00:12:45,904 --> 00:12:48,237
of cocaine?
LANA: But if you didn't...

279
00:12:48,248 --> 00:12:50,415
Okay, so, where would Archer get
that much coke?

280
00:12:50,425 --> 00:12:52,876
MALORY: Well, who knows with
him?

281
00:12:52,888 --> 00:12:54,888
Maybe wherever he got that new
kind of VD none of the doctors

282
00:12:54,898 --> 00:12:57,065
had ever seen before.
LANA: Wha?! When was that?!

283
00:12:57,075 --> 00:12:59,241
PAM: Yeah, when was that?
CHERLENE: Seriously, was...

284
00:12:59,252 --> 00:13:01,753
MALORY: Trust me, if you had
it, you'd know.

285
00:13:01,765 --> 00:13:03,932
CHERLENE and PAM: Phew!
LANA: Ugh. I loathe knowing

286
00:13:03,942 --> 00:13:06,109
that I had sex with the same
person as you two.

287
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,286
PAM: What? You had sex with
me!

288
00:13:08,296 --> 00:13:10,463
LANA: No, I... (gasps)
Oh, my God, that's right.

289
00:13:10,473 --> 00:13:12,807
MALORY: Ha!
PAM: What are you laughing

290
00:13:12,819 --> 00:13:15,019
at?
MALORY: Oh, my God, that's

291
00:13:15,029 --> 00:13:17,196
right.
ARCHER: So if you dicks want

292
00:13:17,207 --> 00:13:19,373
to blame somebody for our
current predicament, blame...

293
00:13:19,383 --> 00:13:24,270
RAY: You! I blame you!
Archer! I blame you!

294
00:13:24,291 --> 00:13:27,425
J'accuse!
(flames whoosh, all yelling)

295
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:33,945
ARCHER: What was that, Ray?!
(whistling)

296
00:13:35,359 --> 00:13:38,813
(laughs): Sorry.
I genuinely couldn't hear you.

297
00:13:41,609 --> 00:13:45,414
(Cyril and Gillette crying)
ARCHER: Jesus, what is wrong

298
00:13:45,670 --> 00:13:47,031
with you two?
CYRIL: What's wrong?!

299
00:13:47,129 --> 00:13:49,579
What's wrong is we're about to
be on fire!

300
00:13:49,591 --> 00:13:51,641
RAY: Do something!
ARCHER: Uh, no?

301
00:13:51,651 --> 00:13:53,651
RAY: Archer!
ARCHER: Not until you

302
00:13:53,661 --> 00:13:55,661
apologize.
RAY: For what?!

303
00:13:55,671 --> 00:13:57,671
CYRIL: Ray, goddamn it, just
apologize!

304
00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:00,131
RAY: I... Jesus Christ,
I'm sorry!

305
00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:02,143
ARCHER: There, was that so
hard?

306
00:14:02,153 --> 00:14:04,820
Okay!
(Gillette coughing, sputtering)

307
00:14:04,832 --> 00:14:06,832
CYRIL: What the hell are
you... (coughing)

308
00:14:06,842 --> 00:14:09,226
ARCHER: Crocodile repellent!
CYRIL (coughing): What?!

309
00:14:09,237 --> 00:14:11,687
ARCHER: We got to swim for
it-- on three.

310
00:14:11,699 --> 00:14:14,367
CYRIL: No, no, n... (grunts)
Archer!

311
00:14:14,379 --> 00:14:16,712
ARCHER: Sorry, three!
Kick, Cyril, kick!

312
00:14:16,724 --> 00:14:19,341
(Cyril coughing)
(Gillette retching, coughing)

313
00:14:19,353 --> 00:14:22,038
It's okay, stupid, I forgive
you.

314
00:14:22,050 --> 00:14:24,383
RAY: F...
ARCHER: Forgive, yes.

315
00:14:24,394 --> 00:14:29,047
Cannonball!
Woooooo!!

316
00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:34,538
(Cyril retching)
(Gillette moaning)

317
00:14:34,561 --> 00:14:37,445
ARCHER (chuckling): Oh...
CYRIL: Oh, God, I think I

318
00:14:37,458 --> 00:14:39,458
swallowed a leech.
ARCHER: Well, the gas ought

319
00:14:39,468 --> 00:14:41,468
to kill that.
RAY: (coughs) You

320
00:14:41,478 --> 00:14:43,595
asshole, you could've killed us!
(Cyril clears throat)

321
00:14:43,605 --> 00:14:45,405
Well?!
CYRIL: Well, you did set the

322
00:14:45,414 --> 00:14:47,330
raft on fire.
RAY: Oh, my God, you

323
00:14:47,340 --> 00:14:51,209
always take his side!
CYRIL: I never, ever, ever

324
00:14:51,226 --> 00:14:54,360
take his side.
ARCHER: Blah, blah, blah,

325
00:14:54,374 --> 00:14:56,708
some joke about you two having
vaginas.

326
00:14:56,719 --> 00:14:58,419
Come on, let's go.
CYRIL: Go where?

327
00:14:58,428 --> 00:15:00,561
ARCHER: Well, long-term, I
was thinking home.

328
00:15:00,571 --> 00:15:03,272
Short-term, I... Here, hold
this.

329
00:15:03,285 --> 00:15:05,285
(grunts)
RAY: Go herd.

330
00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:07,929
ARCHER: Short-term, somewhere
that's not the crocodile version

331
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:10,191
of a drive-through.
(crocodile snarls)

332
00:15:10,202 --> 00:15:12,202
CYRIL: Sounds good!
Here we go!

333
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:14,212
ARCHER: Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
CYRIL: I got it. (grunting)

334
00:15:14,221 --> 00:15:17,122
ARCHER: Cyril.
CYRIL: What if I need a gun?

335
00:15:17,136 --> 00:15:19,636
ARCHER: Um...
here.

336
00:15:19,648 --> 00:15:21,699
CYRIL: Oh, come on.
ARCHER: The only limit is

337
00:15:21,709 --> 00:15:26,762
your imagination.
Pyoo! Pyoo!

338
00:15:26,783 --> 00:15:31,018
(Cyril sighs)
PAM: Aw, look, she's almost

339
00:15:31,037 --> 00:15:33,671
not terrifying.
LANA: (sighs) Thanks, you

340
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,683
guys.
I think the spa day took her

341
00:15:35,693 --> 00:15:39,078
mind off Archer being missing,
even if it almost got weird.

342
00:15:39,093 --> 00:15:41,460
CHERLENE: She made it weird.
LANA: No, you did.

343
00:15:41,472 --> 00:15:43,555
Nobody wants an enema.
CHERLENE: Some people...

344
00:15:43,565 --> 00:15:45,816
LANA: Not with yogurt.
PAM: So... you think those

345
00:15:45,827 --> 00:15:48,411
guys are okay?
LANA: I don't know.

346
00:15:48,423 --> 00:15:50,723
I mean, if it were anybody else,
I'd say no, but this is Archer

347
00:15:50,734 --> 00:15:54,402
we're talking about so...
probably not.

348
00:15:54,418 --> 00:15:56,752
CYRIL: Oh, for... Can you not
give it a rest?

349
00:15:56,763 --> 00:15:58,796
RAY: Not until he admits
he's been half-assing this

350
00:15:58,806 --> 00:16:00,806
entire cocaine debacle from
the get-go.

351
00:16:00,816 --> 00:16:02,816
ARCHER: That's only because I
thought it was gonna be way

352
00:16:02,826 --> 00:16:04,826
easier.
RAY: You think

353
00:16:04,836 --> 00:16:07,837
everything's gonna be easy!
ARCHER: It almost always is!

354
00:16:07,850 --> 00:16:10,234
RAY: Aha! See?
That's what I resent.

355
00:16:10,246 --> 00:16:12,580
ARCHER: What do you resent,
Ray, my muscly shoulders poking

356
00:16:12,591 --> 00:16:15,174
into your tum-tum?
RAY: I resent how you

357
00:16:15,186 --> 00:16:17,270
never take anything seriously
because you just assume

358
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,280
everything's gonna work out for
you.

359
00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:21,290
ARCHER: It almost always
does!

360
00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:23,300
(Cyril sighs)
Case in point.

361
00:16:23,309 --> 00:16:26,477
CYRIL: What the...
RAY: Goddamn it.

362
00:16:26,492 --> 00:16:28,525
CYRIL (quietly): Hey, do you
think those guys are Doctors

363
00:16:28,535 --> 00:16:30,919
Without Borders?
ARCHER: Yes, Cyril, I do.

364
00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:33,681
I bet those assault rifles shoot
polio vaccine.

365
00:16:33,694 --> 00:16:36,611
They're narcos, dummy.
And that plane's probably loaded

366
00:16:36,624 --> 00:16:38,624
with coke.
Okay, here's the plan...

367
00:16:38,634 --> 00:16:40,634
CYRIL: What? Are you crazy?
RAY: You're out of your

368
00:16:40,644 --> 00:16:42,644
mind.
ARCHER: We have to get out of

369
00:16:42,654 --> 00:16:45,822
the country, so we can either
walk out-- which, no, no, we

370
00:16:45,836 --> 00:16:49,705
can't-- or we can fly out in an
airplane full of cocaine.

371
00:16:49,722 --> 00:16:51,888
CYRIL: Ray is paralyzed.
Who's gonna fly it?

372
00:16:51,899 --> 00:16:53,899
ARCHER: Don't... That...
Why would you worry about that

373
00:16:53,909 --> 00:16:55,909
before you need to?
CYRIL: What?

374
00:16:55,918 --> 00:16:57,968
ARCHER: Why clog your brain
with a bunch of hypothetical

375
00:16:57,979 --> 00:17:00,313
maybe-what-if bullshit?
CYRIL: Because...

376
00:17:00,324 --> 00:17:02,324
ARCHER: Shut up.
This is what we're doing.

377
00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:06,702
So, Cyril, lock and load that
stick.

378
00:17:06,722 --> 00:17:09,056
(indistinct chatter)

379
00:17:09,067 --> 00:17:13,569
(Gillette stifles a sneeze)

380
00:17:13,588 --> 00:17:22,846
ARCHER (quietly): <i>Manos arriba.</i>

381
00:17:22,885 --> 00:17:25,468
<i>GILLETTE (whispering): Nice.</i>
<i>ARCHER: You want to...</i>

382
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:30,116
<i>RAY: Oh, right.</i>
<i>(cocks gun)</i>

383
00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:33,219
<i>BOSS NARCO: Bueno pues,</i>
<i>cuando est? cargado...</i>

384
00:17:33,351 --> 00:17:34,397
Ray:<i> Manos...</i>

385
00:17:35,195 --> 00:17:38,869
Um...wait, what was it?
Archer:<i> Arriba!</i> Goddamn it.

386
00:17:39,004 --> 00:17:41,552
<i>?Manos arriba!</i> (Weapons cocking)
Boss Narco: (Chuckles)

387
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:45,056
I don't think so, gringo.
Archer: Drop your weapons! I'm serious.

388
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:48,553
I will shoot this guy right in the...

389
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:51,961
Boss Narco: (Laughs) What the hell is that?

390
00:17:52,646 --> 00:17:55,536
Archer: Pyoo! Pyoo! (Narcos laughing)

391
00:17:55,668 --> 00:18:01,240
Cyril: Suppressing fiiiiiire!
(Narcos shouting)

392
00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:07,478
Archer: Okay, okay!
(Moans) Goddamn it, Cyril!

393
00:18:07,627 --> 00:18:10,829
Cyril: Woooooo!! (Chuckles)
Oh, geez, oh, geez, oh, geez! Sorry.

394
00:18:10,977 --> 00:18:14,865
Archer: That's why I wanted you to be stick.
Ray: Uh-uh!

395
00:18:15,253 --> 00:18:18,299
Archer: Yeah, come on. It's been a long day.
Boss Narco: Do you have any

396
00:18:18,447 --> 00:18:24,003
idea who we are?
Archer: Mmm... nope. Do you know who we are?

397
00:18:24,386 --> 00:18:28,445
Boss Narco: No.
Archer: Then blow me.

398
00:18:28,596 --> 00:18:32,666
Cyril, make sure it's good and tight.
(Archer chuckles)

399
00:18:32,817 --> 00:18:35,719
Why are we not still doing phrasing?
Cyril: Why are we still not

400
00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:39,583
worrying about who's gonna fly the damn plane?!
Archer: Oh, right.

401
00:18:39,718 --> 00:18:43,020
<i>?Oye, pendejos!</i>
<i>?Qui?n es el piloto?</i> (Narcos snicker)

402
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,655
_

403
00:18:46,099 --> 00:18:47,816
Cyril: Oh, you are kidding.
Archer: Okay, Ray, ballpark,

404
00:18:47,958 --> 00:18:52,091
- how long will it take you to teach me
how to fly a plane? Ray: What... how long?

405
00:18:52,227 --> 00:18:54,412
Cyril: I flew the space shuttle.
Archer: Cyril, hush.

406
00:18:54,557 --> 00:18:57,459
Big guys. Ray, how long...
Ray: How long will it take

407
00:18:57,604 --> 00:19:02,041
you, Archer, to admit you dick around every
time we're in danger just to screw with

408
00:19:02,194 --> 00:19:05,327
everybody because of your complete...

409
00:19:05,460 --> 00:19:08,526
no, your utter contempt
for your own mortality?

410
00:19:10,009 --> 00:19:14,469
Archer: I mean... Yeah, duh.
Ray: That's all I wanted.

411
00:19:14,622 --> 00:19:15,855
(Grunts)

412
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:20,723
Oh, you could walk this whole time?

413
00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:26,526
No, Cyril, of course I'm not mad.

414
00:19:27,456 --> 00:19:29,427
I think what Ray did was awesome.

415
00:19:29,555 --> 00:19:31,126
Okay, then, well you are an idiot.

416
00:19:31,252 --> 00:19:32,265
Your words.

417
00:19:32,390 --> 00:19:34,084
Which I guess, so am I,

418
00:19:34,211 --> 00:19:36,946
since I just realized we can't land anywhere
with all this cocaine on board.

419
00:19:37,077 --> 00:19:38,709
Oh, my God, you guys,
where are we gonna land?

420
00:19:38,836 --> 00:19:40,888
Jesus Christ, woman, calm down.

421
00:19:41,016 --> 00:19:44,529
We got 5 hours of fuel.
We'll worry about that when we have to.

422
00:19:44,664 --> 00:19:46,514
Guess I'm rubbing off on you, Ray.

423
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,813
- Goddammit!
- What?

424
00:19:51,942 --> 00:19:54,897
Why aren't we doing phrasing?

425
00:20:04,498 --> 00:20:14,814
Sync and corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

426
00:20:14,864 --> 00:20:19,414
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